of sleeping late, working late, being late... -sighs-

i don;t know if my multivitamins are just kicking in for real or i'm really turning into more of a workaholic than usual... -sighs-

lately i find myself spending more and more and more time at the office... for what? -sighs- and i even spend weekends there... waaaaaa... i don't wanna go on like this... lol.

and btw... in relation to my last post... i... verified that thing i read in his palm. -sighs- it's true. :'(

for some reason it just hurt when i heard one of my friends say this... "for me shai, just don't say anything because it seems as if you're manipulating things" :'(

i get where she's coming from and once again i have put myself in this little space without breathing room. masakit lang siguro marinig kasi it's like voicing my fear. and it's something i'm avoiding and i guess hearing her say that... it's like it makes it true somehow.

so no... kahit masakit sa loob ko at ang gut feeling ko is to tell him, i won't... he's a big boy... i'm sure he can handle it if it comes to that.

it's like when i talked to my bestfriends from college and told them about the batman thing... they looked at me as if i just sprouted horns and a tail :'(

maybe it's because i am always in this position that i always seem to make that impression on others. and perhaps if it was me in the other position id be screaming hell at me too. -sighs-

pathetic and depressing.

on a different note... kanina nagtampo ako kay carlo. kasi naman... nakaka-ilang offers na ko pero he always finds a way to refuse. well yeah i get it, it's nothing personal... it's not as if it's because of *me* kaya sya nag-refuse... kaya lang kasi like what i told anais and others... subukan mong mag-offer ng something to someone tapos tanggihan nya... especially if you went out of your way pa to make sure na magagawa mo ung offer na un... -sighs-

we're moving daw to the new building by april. :'( another sad thing... kasi sa lahat ng ayaw ko ung na-uproot ako. -sighs-

my life is one big mess right now. i don't have a clue where i'm supposed to be tomorrow. i really really think i missed the bus somewhere. -sighs-

sabi nila, kasalanan daw mag-worry... it's like losing faith in God. haaayyy i don't know if im losing faith... i'd like to think i'm not... but i guess i'm at a loss... for anything...

parang kumikilos ako nang walang direksyon. and knowing me and my OC-ness... it's really such a surprise. i just don't have any dreams anymore. wala na akong something that i'm striving for. i guess residue pa ito ng failed exam ko. i guess naging complacent ako. naging panatag that things are gonna work out well. now im actually scared that they might not. siguro ung part na for me ok lang wag mag work out... pero sana ung for my family mag work out.

as long as they're ok, ok na rin sa kin...

the other day na-glimpse ko bagong tagline ng ABS... "don't just dream... dream big!" it really is something if u think about it... dream big. wow.

i'd like to dream again. to hope. to look forward to something in the future. right now kasi it's like -shrugs- whatever. sige kahit ano na lang. and generally that's a bad attitude to own kasi parang i don't care na what happens. :'(

and sana nga alam ko which aspect of my life i need to fix... thing is parang isa na silang malaking melting pot... tapos labu-labo na lahat dun. haaaay...

i jsut need some clarity right now. somehting very clear, very definite in my life. ung tipong pwede kong panghawakan na "ako ito... this is who i am and this is what i will be and what i'm gonna be"... kaso wala eh. wala talaga...

shai <<--- lost. ahaha... map anyone? lol.

haaaayyyy... masama talaga pag ganitong madaling araw at gising pa diwa ko. tomorrow... or rather... 7 hours from now... it's the start of a new day.

wala talaga... walang anything at all. :'(