response ko sa comment ni shiela :-)

[disclaimer: the time that you see in my blog posts here in multiply is inaccurate. i don't post multiply blogs while at work. i post my blogs through my blogger.com account, usually around midnight or early morning. my Blogger is set to cross-post all my entries there to my multiply account. un nga lang, it takes 12 hrs or so to do that. so now i'm posting this through multiply and the real time is 1:44am]

shie: this was supposed to be just a response to your comment sa previous blog ko, pero napahaba. :-)

awwww... ako naman ang motto ko this year "live life to the fullest - no regrets - and spread happiness to others"... siguro kaya mas matindi yung efforts ko to make others happy. iniisip ko kasi pag masaya ang ibang tao, maybe some of that will rub off on me.

i'm just lost. kahit andami kong plans and positive energy early this year... parang lately, ewan. nawawalan ako ng momentum. nadidistract ako. naiisip ko sya palagi. iniisip ko, kung live life to the fullest, throw caution to the wind na lang... hahha... as if.

sabi ko pala sa knya kanina, "alam mo ba, malungkot ako the entire day. ikaw lang ang nagpatawa sa akin." -sigh- i know i should stop. pero anhirap eh. addictive. kahit alam ko masakit, hindi ko maiwanan. hindi ko magawang umiwas. hindi ko magawang lumayo.

alam mo ba... ansarap tumitig sa kanya. hahahah... whenever we have conversations - real ones, not those that happen just in my mind - i take advantage of it and stare at him. serious. ansarap tumitig sa mata nya. alam mo yun. naisip ko, kung ito ang mga matang tititigan ko for the rest of my life, ok na sa kin. i think i can do that at hindi ako magsasawa.

i usually don't stare much at people kasi. nakaka-distract minsan saka unnerving, lalo na pag they return the favor and stare at my face naman. so most of the time, i look at the person, but i don't stare. i mean i don't look at the eyes deep enough, or at the face and really look - as if minememorize mo yung itsura. sa kanya lang. i don't know why. iniisip ko kasi harmless. hindi nya iisipin na i'm staring at him dahil mesmerized ako. hahahaha...

naisip ko na nga, pucha, kung wala lang sabit, bibitiwan ko na ang pride ko at ako na mismo ang magcoconfess sa kanya. how un-lady-like di ba? pero pramis. kung wala lang talagang sabit. kung wala lang masasaktan pag ginawa ko yun, naku, matagal ko nang ginawa.

pero lam mo lately, hindi ko na nga sya masyado nalalambing. di kagaya dati. ngayon kasi, naco-conscious ako sa sarili ko. iniisip ko, ano ba yung lambing ko as a friend, at ano yung lambing na im taking advantage of the situation na. lam mo naman, malambing ako di ba? i mean usually, i hug people, or touch their arms or face, ganun. pero sa kanya, lately, iwas ako. kahit gusto ko i-hug ko sya, di ko ginagawa. naco-conscious ako. saka iniisip ko, may meaning ung hug ko other than just a simple hug. :-/

and did u know that he has a nice voice? hahaha... i found out revcently. gawd. i just keep getting more and more amazed. bakit ganun? -sighs-

i believe in happily ever after. maybe, just maybe... i'm not the princess in this story. maybe in another storybook.

in the meantime, i'll kep on dreaming. :-)

PS: i've been rather confused and restless lately. a mixture of this and other issues, both personal and work-related. madami lang nangyayari sa akin lately... di ko lam how to react. ako pa naman yung tipong impulsive mag-react. kaya nga, mas pinipili ko na maglaho na lang kasi if i'm there, baka mali ang maging reaction ko. mahirap na.

oh well, i'll be gone pala for quite a while. baka Wednesday na tayo magkita. Smile ka din lagi!