the sweet escape

"if i could escape
and recreate a place as my own world
and I could be your favorite girl, forever
now tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?"

-The Sweet Escape, Gwen Stefani

Bakit hanggang ngayon, I still like you. In fact, it feels like I'm just falling for you all the more. :'(

That's bad. It really is. Not like I have an effing chance of even being with you or you looking my way and realizing you and I could be something more.

Nope. Not a chance. Not even if hell freezes over.

___________

On a different, less destitute part of my life, I'm actually on a high. It's been only 14 days in the year and I'm still on a high.

I decided to be happy. To stay happy. And to do that, I need to be positive. And stay positive.

No matter that there are a gazillion things to do each day, plus those I've left since last year... never mind that left and right, more and more problems crop up... not to mention, there's a new brouhaha making me away and making me sad... and let's not think about the fact that, yeah, you... and not possible.

I'm staying positive though. Basta masaya ako. Ngingiti ako lagi. At babawasan ko ang mag-complain. Every night, before going to sleep (more like every morning, semantics... lol), I pray and tell God, "Lord, one more day". Sa aming dalawa na lang kung ano'ng meaning nun. Then each morning, when I wake up, I say "Lord, thank you. This is one more chance for me."

For a long time, I've been rather morose and wanting. I want to stop that. Kaya I am thankful for each moment. I know I am blessed - I have a lot to be thankful for in life. And I am. I'm making it a point to drive home that fact to my brain each moment.

___________

But there are moments, katulad kanina, when I felt the walls caving in on me again. No matter... ngiti lang ulit. Stay positive right?

Yeah.

Enjoy the moment as it happens. No matter that I can't have you all to myself... I'll get whatever I can.

I know I should stay away from you. There is really no effing chance in this planet, or even in this cosmos of a you and me.

Hindi ka naman kasi mahirap mahalin. And you have a way of touching my heart, making me smile kahit sad ako.

Pero despite that, I know hindi ako ang nagpapasaya sa iyo. I pray for better things for you and for that person. Basta masaya ka... yun naman ang importante. :-)