old post: looking at the stars

it's almost midnight, i'm dead tired and so sleepy but for some reason, i can't sleep.

my mind is working overtime but my body is shutting down. -sigh-

i remembered our trip to the beach just a week ago... finally sinking my toes into the warm sand... feeling the seawater on my skin... and staring into the glowing ball of fire kiss the horizon and disappear... then watching the night sky explode with what must have been thousands and thousands of stars... how i wish i can preserve those moments forever...

what is a simple life... i don't know. i think i've never had one so i have no idea what is a simple life.. but i would love to discover it, try it and see if i can live with it.

maybe i'm far from knowing what a simple life is... but i do know what a complicated life is exactly. and right now, i know what complicates my life. and i know i've said it countless times but i've never really done it - separate myself from the problem/complication that is.

in about 13 hours, i may have the chance to do it. i pray for strength and clarity that i may finally be able to say what i have to say. and i pray for serenity and grace to accept whatever outcome it will bring.

i need to accept the reality that i am no longer happy and i am no longer the same person i was before. and the further i get from the real me, the harder it will be to return. so i have to do this, once and for all, so that i can come home to me and regain myself. i refuse to become a total stranger to myself.

i know what i have to do to uncomplicate my life. it may not bring about the simple life that i'm seeking, but it's a step towards it.

i hope the next time i chance upon a star-studded night sky, it will be a much better, much brighter, much truer me. ^_^