old post: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Maybe the hardest thing was to accept that everything has its own time. I always feel like I don't have enough time or that I seem to be running out of it often... perhaps, it's just that everything has its own time - even time itself. And this is something I have forgotten and must now accept.

Maybe I need to stop looking at the past and wishing things were always as simple. That part of my life had its own time, and that time has passed. I need to stop looking at things as if I have not moved at all. As if things or people didn't change - because they do. They have. Maybe I was the only one left standing on the same ground (that sounded like a song).

So I have to move on as well. I need to stop thinking of the past and acting as if it were in the present.

No matter how hard I try to preserve the good memories of the past, the truth is that the world has moved and that time has passed us all.

I shouldn't push things to where they don't belong - or to where they shouldn't.

I have to accept that my fire has burned out. No matter how many times I try to rekindle the flames, they just wouldn't light up. And no matter how much I try to rationalize, it doesn't change the fact that... I am no longer happy. I haven't been in a long, long time.

I can get excited, I can get fired up. I can become absorbed and involved. But I am not happy. If I were, I wouldn't ask myself why I feel empty. Or why I try to occupy my time with many other things. If I were happy, I wouldn't mind half the things I complain about on a daily basis.

Perhaps... I've ran out of time. I have been most content with everything that has transpired. I have been very happy indeed. But, as with all things, the time has come.

The more I fight it, the more that I look ungracious in its passing.

There is nothing inside me anymore, other than the love I have for the people I've learned to care for and the people I know I must look out for. I thought this would be enough... but I fear that I am punishing myself as much as I am hurting them.

I pray, Lord, for just a little bit more time...