Memories from two years back...

Saturday, August 12, 2006
lack of sleep will do this to you

... i was at starbucks earlier today, actually since last night. studying, what else? anyway, i was alone, my usual groupmates weren't there. so i was alone. and i felt alone. then i wrote this:

i'll name you caramel frappe.
you don't know how much i miss you
but then again, how do you miss someone you never had?
or legally never had anyway.
because i know in my dreams,
in far away, beautiful places, you belong to me.
in that realm where wishes come true
and fantasies are realities,
in that world where loneliness has no place,
where anger, bitterness, yearning and jealousy find no solace.
in this little corner
i love you.
in this heart of mine
i love you.
in my mind, i see you at all times.
i think of you.
even when i shouldn't.
or don't have time.
or have other things on my mind.
you come so fleetingly
like happiness.
like butterflies fluttering
like a breeze on an exceptionally warm day.
you enter my thoughts
just like that.
without any warnings at all.
and i'm filled with irresolute sadness.
because i think of you when i shouldn't.
because you exist only in my mind.
you are this fantasy i created
to assuage my thirst for company,
for someone to love
for someone to fall in-love with
for someone to love me back.
but in reality
you are this person
this very real person who is somebody else's -
source of joy
source of happiness
source of strength and infinite hope of a future.
so how could i yearn for you,
a fantasy which is far from the reality i am in?
how could i love you,
a person who is somebody else's reality?
how could i miss you,
when you've never been
here with me.
in this corner
where i've loved you,
hoped for you,
prayed for
wished
dreamed of
and missed you.
how could you exist in my world
when you already do in another's?
so you exist
but only in my mind.
in that realm where everything is possible
in that world where you and i are together
in that place
where happiness, no matter how fleeting, is boundless
where hope, no matter how short-lived, is eternal
where love...
where love exists between you and i.
i'm still thinking of you
caramel frappe,
bittersweet,
that's how it is.
i shall name you caramel frappe
because you'll always be there.
you'll always leave this bittersweet taste in my mouth
as if taunting me yet making me happy as well.
you'll always be in my mind
because you're my favorite fantasy
you're my caramel frappe
and i'll think of you
and love you
and miss you
even after i consume the whole cup
and throw away the remnants.
you'll still be there
always.
in my mind.
my favorite fantasy.

© Kitsune Kaoru 11 Aug 2006.

This was written about two years ago... and dedicated to Batman. I still can't believe i wrote this. i had the chance to revisit it kasi my officemate, JP, and I were talking about poetry and stuff... he's a composer by the way (who has a crush on a copywriter... lol! I'm thinking Music and Lyrics here ^_^) and he makes decent music talaga... i hope he gets enough guts to go post them sa youtube or something :-D

anyway... ayun... wala lang... i remembered all over how... much i loved batman. haay.