old post: finally @ 26

i had cramps the day before my big day... and given the fact that i hardly sleep at night because of my sensitivity to Bruiser's movements, i just couldn't get myself out of bed this morning.

my family and i celebrated my birthday today... because my parents have to leave for the province to attend a cousin's wedding tomorrow at 5am. i kinda feel sad that for the first time in 26 years, i will celebrate my big day without ANY of my family members.

gawd, now that i've said it out loud THAT is terribly pathetic. not to mention tomorrow i am on back to back meetings and trainings. blech. can it get any worse than that? isn't your birthday something you do with family and friends?

now that i think about it... i'm glad i have Bruiser... i feel less alone. tomorrow, i will most likely just go home and be greeted quite enthusiastically by B. i wish i can share ice cream and chocolate with him, but i can't. so he'll have to settle with treats.

lessons learned:
1. trust no one. seriously. i believe in goodness but it is ultimately easier for most human beings to give in to their baser needs. so they hurt you and betray you even if sometimes they don't mean it or don't mean for it to happen. bottomline: trust NObody.

2. miracles happen. parallel to #1, most people fight their baser needs and strive to rise above it. so they surprise you by being honest, generous, empathetic and forgiving. trust in the goodness - that it will shine through despite the obvious dark clouds hovering by.

3. it's never too late to love yourself. regretting something is the last wall that one must breakdown in order to finally achieve happiness. get past the regrets and go do something that makes you happy. it doesn't matter if you've spent half or most of your life wasting away... the good news is that the rest of your life will be spent in something you know will reflect your love for yourself.

4. life is for living. i think i've been planning my life for 26 years. it's finally time to start living it. i've made huge leaps this year. i've learned to go after my dream. i've learned to fight for what i want. i've learned to stand my ground and damn the consequences. i've learned to pay attention to what I want, and not just what people want from me or what i think people want from me. it's crazy but i feel like my life is messier than it was before... i'm so unsure of what i will be doing for the rest of my life, or where i'll be a year or several years from now... but it feels great. i've finally learned to be comfortable in my own skin. to trust in my abilities and revel in my accomplishments. i know, even if the world is unsure, that i will make it through. it may be hard, it may be rough... but it's a ride i wouldn't miss.

after tomorrow is through... hehe, i'll start worrying about the list of 26 things. it's a lot but i hope to accomplish them all

;-)

PS: happy birthday to me...